June 20, 2012

How to pray on a baseball field

He couldn't do this in private?
Here are a few tips for new major league baseball players who may not understand the basics of praying on TV. It's an art, fella!

1. Be ostentatious! Sure, you could just stand there and pray silently -- but what good would that do? No one would know you're praying, and that would make your prayer worthless.

2. Use as many techniques as possible to drill your point home: kneel, make the sign of the cross, point at the sky. Do it all!

3. Never pray next to a praying, opposing player because this would make heads explode. This is strictly forbidden on TV. One violation of this bedrock rule and you'll be sent down to the minors for the entire season.

Now, go forth and pray, young baseball Christian soldiers. Your stupidity will ensure that your soul shoots shoots into heaven when you die. And that's what the game of baseball is all about.


Artichoke Annie said...

You said something here, Keith, "Sure, you could just stand there and pray silently." - that took me back to high-school days and the debate over prayers in school. I thought so then and I think so now, God doesn't need a big hoopla to hear, silence works just fine, in fact the one praying doesn't even need to move his/her lips. Praying is a mind-meld, zap you are there, totally hooked up, no need to queue, all that other stuff is just "Hey, notice me here" theatrics.

writenow said...

I think in part this is because we live in a "Look at me!" world. Everyone is so self-obsessed, which leads to, "I think I'll pray ostentatiously on TV." What a country. Hi, Annie!