September 24, 2016

This and that

One Million Moms, the wingnut group that is outraged by virtually everything, should go after major league baseball for the term "back-door slider". I mean, really. It's just rude. In a similar vein, where is the canned Million Moms outrage against "Naked and Afraid Pop-Up Edition"? They're off their game.

Baseball players should be required to be ugly, so they don't distract me.

AP: "Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey on Thursday announced he had signed three bills targeting abortion providers, including one requiring them to follow outdated federal guidelines for the most common abortion drug and prescribe it at much higher doses than needed."  That's our world in a nutshell, isn't it?

I think the news should be presented in cartoon format, so Americans can understand it. You think I'm kidding, don't you?

Said of good hitter in baseball: "he can rake." I don't get it. 

What's with the phrase: "Stick that in your eye"?

"I thanked god that there was a god." A woman's face uttered this on TV. Circuitous thinking in action.

The phrase: "Hopped up." I thought it had to do with the animation of people on drugs, particularly speed. But it seems "hop" is slang for opium and narcotics in general, and this was true as of 1887.

From AP: "A Kentucky man has been arrested in North Carolina after witnesses say he urinated on the floor of an American Airlines flight from San Francisco to Charlotte." Whew. Long pee!

I heard a woman say, "He was comin' tworge me". Maybe confusion between toward and towards caused her Hail Mary snatch at another consonant, and she landed on a "j"? Tworj. Who knows? Fun though.

Old person's T-shirt "So many tunes to hum. So little time."

"It was all fathomed in her mind," said the pastor's wife about an affair-sniffing parishioner.

"What am I, kidding?" Like "what am I, chopped liver?" I love that delivery. May be a NY thing. Not sure. Say you?

Kayaktivists. I figured the term was coming but I still shuddered the first time I heard it.

I'm surprised religious people don't say, of the dead, "Oh, he's on eternity leave." They'd chuckle too, as if they knew something. They don't know anything.

I heard a mother on TV say her twenty-something daughter wanted to “get into some movie-starring."

"Thank God it's a rental," said a character in a movie. But I noticed that the captions (which I always have on during movies) said "Thank gosh it's a rental." And then captions said "scarry music". I always wondered what home-schooled Christian kids do for a living, once they grow up. Apparently they transcribe captions.

Of the phrase: salad days: “Whether the point is that youth, like salad, is raw, or that salad is highly flavoured and youth loves high flavours, or that innocent herbs are youth's food as milk is babes' and meat is men's, few of those who use the phrase could perhaps tell us; if so, it is fitter for parrots' than for human speech.” Comes from:
[4] Fowler, H. W. A Dictionary of Modern English Usage. Oxford University Press, 1926.

I’ll “swing by” and check it out. Ape reference?

I've decided to believe that I live in a spaceship. What I see outside my windows is merely a hologram, meant to reassure me. It's lovely up here. Mmmmmm.

Some day, Americans will vote with emoticons —a whole range of them, hundreds if not thousands. And then an AI will figure out what it all means and tell us who the new president is. Hail Leader!

Why is there no coffee air freshener? A house never smells more pleasant than when coffee is brewing.

Crime show on TV: 
Detective: “ When you were on the phone with him that night, how did he sound?"
Woman: "Disheveled."

Baseball talk. A “fieldmouse trade”- i.e., nobody special was included in the trade. 

A southerner was asked "When was your appointment?" The woman replied, "It was of the morning." I've never heard that usage before.

Why is there no gay version of Mystery Science Theater 3000? All you'd need is a threesome of sharp, funny gay people watching a movie and saying catty things about absolutely everyone on screen. I'd love it.

I now return control of your computer to your able hands. Go on with your gardening, your cruise, or whatever the hell else you were doing with your day. I'm done with you. Begone!