|My associate, Nils.|
It was Nils who convinced me. He said, "You'll have to eat all sorts of sickening food on the campaign trail. You're too precious. You have important, ungodly books to write. You mustn't subject your stomach to unpalatable fare."
There is no way to argue with logical rigor of this sort. Besides, Nils is always right about everything. Therefore, I shall not run for President of the United States in 2012. There! I've said it.
I know this news will come as a shock and a disappointment to my cadre of loyal supporters. But with your -- and Nils' -- continued support I believe I will go on to write books that will make you proud! The country, alas, must go on without me. It's a bit like that scene in Evita, isn't it? Except for me not dying, and all.
Don't cry for me, my cadre! Things will work out in the end. I promise.