December 6, 2012

The night I decided to go gay

I remember it well. It was a hot and humid Tuesday in Tampa. I was on another of my endless business trips, which took me all around the country. That evening, I was laying around my damp motel room in the nude, hoping the feeble air-conditioning would belch out a cool breeze at some point. It never did.

I sighed, thinking about the man I'd bested in business that day, the wench I'd bedded afterward, and the fellow I'd just beaten up at the motel bar. I laughed, but for some reason it sounded hollow. I had been living like this for too long. I wondered if I was getting jaded.

"Well," I thought, "At least I'll be back home with my loving wife and six children tomorrow night."

Just then, the TV caught my eye. They were showing one of the first gay weddings, and right there on the TV screen were two guys kissing! And they were husband and husband!

It hit me in a flash -- I could leave my heterosexual drudgery behind by going gay! Right then and there, I decided to do it. I pulled on my boxers and was about to put on my pants when I looked down at myself and thought, "Damn!" I kicked those boxers to the floor and put my jeans on au naturel. I figured why just go gay when I could go commando, too? It felt right.

I walked out the door of the motel room and saw a man standing in the parking lot. I walked up to him, grabbed him by the chest hair and hauled him back to my room, where we had wild man-on-man sex. Wow!

I've never looked back. That very night, I thought, "The heck with my wife and kids. I'm getting a divorce so I can get gay-married. Hooray!"

Never mind. Go read "Xmas Carol"!

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