As for the similarities between gay men and women, they're of two kinds: real and perceived. We do share traits with straight women -- it's ridiculous to argue otherwise. Let's cite an obvious example: we know how we look and how others look. Straight men have no clue how they or others look. Tiny example (and I know it doesn't apply to all women or all gay men; let's not quibble) but I don't want to go into the similarities at length. I've got other plans.
The second way we're similar is in the way we're treated. Gay men and women are perceived to be similar, regardless of the truth of the matter. It must be the G -- straight guys figure gay, gal, girl and G-string must have a similar meaning. Sigh.
That we suffer the same fate because of this perception is easy to illustrate. Women, if asked, will tell you that many straight, male doctors consider a woman's health complaints to be "hysterical". This is the straight, male nincompoop factor in action. But when I tell a straight male doctor that I'm gay, I am also consigned to the "hysterical female" category. As of that day, I no longer have a doctor who can hear me.
Meanwhile, languishing on the sidelines unnoticed are the traits that gay men share with straight men. Because we're guys, we have the same guy ways. For instance, it's the easiest thing in the world for two guys of any sexual orientation to start a conversation when they find themselves waiting in front of a doctor's office for someone. Men are comfortable with men; we can always talk to each other. It's just the way it is. Yet this is not something most women would say about conversations with strange women.
Guys have rules and every guy knows them -- like the most crucial one: how far away from each other we should stand when peeing. But it's all worked out. We just consult the Guy Schedule and there's the answer, clear as day. That's why we know how to talk to each other -- we just follow the guy rules. Easiest thing in the world. And that only scratches the surfaces of our similarities. We're men.
Chime in, readers. Do you find gay men and women to be similar? Do you detest me for bringing it up? Do you care? Are you there?