Queer Eye: a belated complaint

This is style?

I remember being excited when I heard the premise for what was then a new show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". And while it was fun in some ways, I was disappointed by what they did with it.

There are many, many things straight guys need to learn in order to start looking good. But as far as I can tell, our intrepid stylists never helped their clients to develop the ability to see themselves, or to understand basic fashion rules. The apartment makeovers were fun -- good work, Tom. But that's about it for pats on the head. In any case, I'm not here to dish the show. (It's hard to tell, isn't it?) My purpose is to impart a bit of news to straight guys.

I've seen so many guys at the gym who are trying to impress the ladies, as they ridiculously refer to them. But none of these guys had the slightest clue how to do it. Here's a news flash, guys -- and I'm directing my remarks to guys who believe women are attracted to muscular men. For the purposes of this post, let's accept this as true, at least for some women who frequent gyms. Your goal, then, is to look large and muscular. But is that how you look? Fellas, here's the thing: you gotta learn how to showcase the merchandise.

If you want to look muscular when you're working out, don't wear a dark-colored shirt. So many of you work out in black shirts at the gym and I don't think you understand the visual effect. Black does not make you look muscular -- and especially not with light-colored shorts. A light-colored shirt is what you want to work out in. It will make you look much more substantial. Do this simple thing and you might actually look like, you know, you work out and stuff.

Light colors = big. Black and navy blue = not big. Easy, right? Now that's the sort of thing Queer Eye should have told straight men during their shows. Just sayin'. 

(And don't get me started on the dreadful fashion sense of these guys -- and most especially, Carson. Would you look at what they're wearing in that picture! It's like they haven't got one stylish bone in their collective body. The clothes look like they came from Wal-Mart!)