Are gay men similar to straight women?

I know, I know: stereotypes. But what the heck, let's play with the idea. I'd say gay men are like straight women in certain ways, but like straight men in others. People don't notice the last bit but it's true, too. We're guys and that means we share many innate traits with virtually any guy we meet. It's not PC to say this, but men come in a mold; women's identities are much more individual. Hey, I said we'd mess around with stereotypes.

As for the similarities between gay men and women, they're of two kinds: real and perceived. We do share traits with straight women -- it's ridiculous to argue otherwise. Let's cite an obvious example: we know how we look and how others look. Straight men have no clue how they or others look. Tiny example (and I know it doesn't apply to all women or all gay men; let's not quibble) but I don't want to go into the similarities at length. I've got other plans.

The second way we're similar is in the way we're treated. Gay men and women are perceived to be similar, regardless of the truth of the matter. It must be the G -- straight guys figure gay, gal, girl and G-string must have a similar meaning. Sigh.

That we suffer the same fate because of this perception is easy to illustrate. Women, if asked, will tell you that many straight, male doctors consider a woman's health complaints to be "hysterical". This is the straight, male nincompoop factor in action. But when I tell a straight male doctor that I'm gay, I am also consigned to the "hysterical female" category. As of that day, I no longer have a doctor who can hear me. 

Meanwhile, languishing on the sidelines unnoticed are the traits that gay men share with straight men. Because we're guys, we have the same guy ways. For instance, it's the easiest thing in the world for two guys of any sexual orientation to start a conversation when they find themselves waiting in front of a doctor's office for someone. Men are comfortable with men; we can always talk to each other. It's just the way it is. Yet this is not something most women would say about conversations with strange women.

Guys have rules and every guy knows them -- like the most crucial one: how far away from each other we should stand when peeing. But it's all worked out. We just consult the Guy Schedule and there's the answer, clear as day. That's why we know how to talk to each other -- we just follow the guy rules. Easiest thing in the world. And that only scratches the surfaces of our similarities. We're men.

Chime in, readers. Do you find gay men and women to be similar? Do you detest me for bringing it up? Do you care? Are you there?

A very odd thing

Earlier this week, something strange happened. I was at a web site, commenting back and forth with a guy who seemed interesting. At some point, we shared the fact that we're writers.

And then he told me the subject of a book he plans to write (or is writing; I'm not sure). And it's the book I've already written! It's the same idea I used in my first sci-fi novel, The Worlds. It even sounds like the thrust of his story (beyond the original idea) is similar to mine. Of course, I expect that in the end we will have done very different things with the idea. It's not like we're writing the exact same book with the same characters and plot turns. Still, how weird is this?

So I wrote back and told him basically, "By the way, I've already written the book you plan to write." He stopped responding at that point. I do believe I freaked him out.

The situation poses an odd question. Would you want to talk to a guy who's written a book very similar to one you plan to write? It could be a problem. There's the whole, "gotta beat everyone to the punch" thing. And you'd have to take pains to block crosswinds that might contaminate your own book. One doesn't want lawsuits later on, saying, "you stole my story."

But while I understand this, I'm also sure we'd write very different books. My take on things is playful and unique to me. I'm positive that no one will ever write anything the way I do. So I don't see this as a problem. It is interesting, though. Very.

Although it would be fun to chat with the guy, I would keep the details of my book secret -- and it would be prudent for him to take the same tack with me. Doesn't look like this problem will arise, though, since I seem to have scared him away. Maybe it's better that way.

Still, I'd like to talk to him at some point. After all, we had the same great idea. That has to count for something and I think it means we'd get along famously. But this may have to wait until we've both released our books. Only then could we both let our guard down.

Isn't this the strangest thing?