September 13, 2011

My secret plan for the baseball off-season

Mr. Baseball. There's nobody like him.
Okay, I don't handle the end of the baseball season well. It's a crushing, depressing, mind-shattering prospect and the question is always the same: how the hell am I going to get through the long winter months without a single baseball game?

Each year I think I'll flip out. I try to imagine myself getting through the first evening without a game -- and I can't. No baseball games? I'll go mad! I don't sob when I think about it but I come very close. And it's coming! There are only two more weeks to the regular season and then it's on to the short post-season -- and then comes that long, deathly silence that lasts until Spring. No baseball! Horrors!
The man.

But this year I have a plan. To stay close to major league baseball, I've decided to have Tommy John surgery during the off-season. Take that, empty TV screen! Oh, it'll be tough for sure. But I'll bet a lot of the regular players will stop by to share their experience, strength and hope with me. Probably Jason Varitek will move in with me for the first few weeks after the surgery, just to be sure I'm okay.

And then of course I'll have a period of intense rehab leading up to Spring Training. I figure I'll do it down in Port St. Lucie, where the Mets train. I think this is a very good plan. I feel positive about it. I will spend the off-season in the heart of baseball!


Artichoke Annie said...

Thanks one of the funniest baseball 'fan' stories I have ever read.

Wishing you all the best for a rapid recovery and a great spring training.

Signed A Cub Fan
'Just wait 'til next year!"

writenow said...

We fans gotta do what we fans gotta do. I'd write more but I'm getting my affairs in order and consulting doctors. Oh, and thanks.