September 1, 2014

Of hernias and manliness

Usually, I'm not one to blog about his illnesses. I find that tacky -- and please spare me from stories about people's colons. Please. However, I'm going to make an exception today. I've got a hernia. It really, really sucks. I can hardly do anything. In fact, I just had a hard time making sandwiches. Darn those foods on the lower shelves of the fridge! And that empty Baggie that fell to the floor will remain there until further notice. I cannot pick it up.

I know, I know: you didn't need to hear about this. But something goaded me into revealing this. Lately, I've heard so many baseball game announcers talking about hernias.

It all began when a Mets pitcher, Jhenry (pronounced Henry) Mejia, "excused" a bad pitching performance by saying that he had a hernia. The broadcasters excoriated him for this. "He only said that because he's a young player who doesn't know any better." I get it: you're not supposed to offer excuses for a bad performance on the field. You're supposed to say, "I was a fool out there on the mound; I should be shot; I promise to do better."

But since that day, the announcers have gone on to speak of many, many pitchers who "pitched the whole season with a hernia, without ever complaining". Apparently this showed their manliness. Uh-huh.

I don't believe it. I would be on the floor screaming if I tried to pitch today. And some guys pitched with a hernia for a whole season? You've got to be kidding. Or lying.

If any player did this, he must have had one of those special-edition Mickey Mouse hernias -- you know, the kind that don't hurt. Me, I've got the standard issue kind, where you can hardly walk.

I doubt these heroic stories and suspect they're a product of sports writing, meant to burnish the player's manliness credentials. Has anyone reading this ever had a hernia? Wanna comment? Could you pitch with it?

PS: In two weeks, I'll have surgery to correct the problem. I wish the operation was tomorrow.


cm said...

Let me start my reply by talking about my colon for a minute. Just kidding. There must be all different levels of hernias. Yours sounds extreme. I doubt any MLB pitcher could work with what you have. Mine was never bad. I probably could have thrown the fastball and knuckle ball with it. The change up- that's another thing.


writenow said...

I always have problems with my change-up. Thanks for your opinion.

Artichoke Annie said...

C. you are too funny, but come one let's show a little more respect for the elderly.

writenow said...

Hear, hear!