April 4, 2013

If I should die

There will be no need for this post until the year 2052. Yes, it's all settled -- I will live to the age of 103. (I thought about living till 104, but something tells me that will be a very bad year for me. So 103 it is.) Obviously, there's no need to read this right now. I just want it to be posted so my biographers and the media can look it up when the time comes.

There's one thing that you know and I don't: the method of my death. Was it a missile from North Korea? I knew it! Well, it was quick (I assume). The luck of the half-Irish.

I want everyone to know that I had a great life. Sure, it sucked. But it was great, too! The big problem was drugs and alcohol. Hoo boy. Really did me in. And before they invented SSRI's, I was a disaster. But here's the thing. They did invent SSRI's and I finally stopped getting high. That this happened at all is very, very cool.

After those magical events occurred, I had a terrific life. I helped raise two boys, wrote books, blogged and enjoyed my days thoroughly. As far as I'm concerned, a good ending obliterates the pain of a tattered beginning. I won! That's the deal: I won!

As for this idea of an afterlife, there'll be none of that for me (or you). I'm fine without it. Dying seems an appropriate ending for a life. We see creatures die all the time. Humans, animals, fish, insects and every other creature -- they all die. I think that's okay and I truly don't mind the fact that I'm dead and gone forever. I'm just happy to have been here.

I mean, think about the odds. If a different spermatazoa reached your mother's egg, you wouldn't be you. Another person would have lived in "your" place. Really, it's a miracle that you're here at all, which means you're very lucky. You are the latest in a line of successful creatures that reaches all the way back to unicellular life. You come from an unbroken line of winners. The luck involved in all this should amaze you -- and it certainly amazes me. To have been a part of creation -- that's the ultimate prize. And every one of us snagged a place in creation. We were very, very lucky.

And if you can write a book or two, to boot, you won. And I did. Thanks for reading my stuff, guys. You made it all so much better.

Going, going, gone.


cm said...

Lets see, I'll be only 95, but in case I'm not here when the time comes, it was a pleasure knowing you and having the benefit of spending some real good times together. To paraphrase the PSBoys: "you were never being boring". RIP.

writenow said...

Thanks, Carmine. We really had fun working out together, didn't we? Good times.