January 16, 2013

We need five new planets

Now that the human race has bifurcated into opposing factions, and there seems no hope of mending the rift, we need a new idea. Wouldn't it be great if we could divide the population into groups and send each group to a separate world?

Can't you just see Jesus World now? Every house would be constructed like a cross, sex would be outlawed, there would be priests galore and new saints would be minted every year. Heaven!

Allah World would be a sunny world of dusty streets, where no one accomplished much of anything. Science and its child, medicine, would not be allowed on Allah World. Given the lack of medicine, people would die early and rush off happily to meet their 70 willing virgins. (What happens when the women die, by the way? Please tell me their bodies are not refurbished so they can play the role of after-life virgin.)

Wingnut World would house the GOP, along with all the rich people in the US. They would have no government at all, having drowned it in a bathtub, and every house would have a "Get off my lawn!" sign in red, white and blue. Huzzah!

Old-People World (okay, there's some overlap here) would be a nice, safe shuffleboard paradise where the TV reports only on yesterday's news and never today's, to avoid surprising or frightening sensitive viewers.

And finally, Science World would house all the intelligent people, atheists, people of color, and kind people. All the new inventions would come from Science World and any that didn't give people the ability to kill, would be sent to the other worlds (except Allah World, of course).

So that's the deal. We need five more planets. This one's already a goner so we'll just abandon it. No more global warming for us. And by migrating, we'll leave all our unspent nuclear fuel behind. This is a win-win thing. But we must find these planets within our current lifetime.

Then again, we may need six planets. From a post yesterday by digby:
Non-college white men are the only constituency that opposes a ban [on assault weapons]. 
Looks like this group will need a planet, too. We'll call it Gun World.

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