The Noah legend could use a flute

Pied Piper/1902

I ask you: how did Noah get all those damn animals (and dinosaurs) on his ark? The answer is obvious: he was the original Pied Piper. It was Noah who provided the basis for the modern Pied Piper story, used for centuries to scare sweet children to bed.

I can just see Noah now, waltzing down a dusty path while playing his flute, a veritable hootenanny of animules following him toward the ark. The man really knew how to get the most out of his flute!

In fact, Noah probably had a selection of tunes up his sleeve, magic tunes that god taught him. For instance, there was probably one tune that meant, "Quickly! Move to the other side of the ark before we capsize!" And since it was a magical, heavenly flute, only half of the animules would move to the opposite side of the ark. Hallelujah!

Seriously, Christians could get some serious mileage out of this -- and a lot of money from the rubes. Noah flutes would be a huge seller at church events. If you know a biblical literalist, get him on this immediately.

(I can just imagine Ken Ham's eyes lighting up as he reads this post and envisions adding a flute wing to his Creation "Museum". You go, Ken! Nothing's too stupid for your audience. And by the way, you're welcome.)

The image above is from a 1902 postcard. It is in the public domain.