June 26, 2014

Priests to harangue faithful more than ever

VATICAN CITY — The Vatican is admitting many Catholics around the world reject its teachings about sex issues like artificial contraception as an intrusion into their private lives, and are ignorant of other core doctrines about marriage, divorce and homosexuality.
The Vatican blamed its own priests for much of the problem. It says they simply aren't doing a good enough job educating the faithful about essential church teachings and helping out families when they run into trouble.
Yes, that must be the problem. The priests just need to talk more about what you can't do down there. They've been far too quiet about sex the past fifty years or so. Just imagine how refreshed Catholics will feel when priests double down on the sexy no-no's. Because we never hear priests jabbering on and on about how awful gay people are. Or how you'll go to hell and never receive communion again if you get a divorce. Absolutely never.

What a church.

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