December 6, 2010

The TSA and religious folks

I got a big kick last week out of official hate-group spokesman Peter La Barbera (Americans for Truth) saying, "Is it fair to travelers who may end up getting 'groped' by homosexual TSA agents who are secretly getting turned on through the process?"

Yeah, that's just what's happening, petey. I'll bet gay guys are clamoring for those jobs. Sorry hon, but you don't know jack about gay men (or rather that's all you know about us). See, we get to touch guys' junk all the time. It's not a rarity in our lives (nor, apparently, in baseball players' lives, judging by this photo).

If we want to have sex, we have sex. It's easy to find another guy to fool around with. So no, petey, it doesn't sound to us like it would be fun to touch random men at an airport. Have you ever looked at random men? Oh, I forgot, you're too busy watching us. Petey, you are far too interested in us, and everyone but you realizes this. I think you'd rather cop a feel than write about us but you're just too scared. Petey, here's the thing: only closet cases are as vicious as you. If you don't believe me, check out the pope: same story.

I think the only workers having trouble on the TSA line are delicate, bigoted, rightwing religious folks like you who are so sexually deprived that they're nearly insane. They have avoided men's bodies all their lives. They've probably never even gone to a gym or served in the army, so they've never seen a naked man. And now they have to touch their . . . parts!

So I'll bet lots of these allegedly straight TSA bigots are finding it hard to go to sleep at night, what with groping men for a living, and all. It probably stirs up their deepest sexual urges. Men! I imagine them trying to cast the devil (their thoughts of those nasty, vile penises) out of bed at night -- fruitlessly, of course. Yup, I think a lot of religious, male TSA bigots are quite excited by the new patdown procedures. We may see some severe crack-ups in this group if they have to continue groping guys all day long, penis after penis after penis.

In the meantime, you just keep on railing, petey, so you'll always be the biggest fool around no matter where you go. By the way, have you patted any guys down at the airport yourself, to, you know, see if your junk tingles? Go ahead, petey! And then tell us how it didn't affect you. Har har.

PS: I see we can add Eugene Delgaudio, an elected official on the Loudoun County Board of Supervisors in Virginia, to the list of similar men. He recently said: "the next TSA official that gives you an 'enhanced pat down' could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission." Having trouble sleeping at night, Eugene? Just askin'.

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