December 24, 2010

Bah, if not humbug

Ah yes, Xmas. Merry ho ho ho. Despite my atheism I have no particular problem with Xmas. You give gifts to people; what's not to like? I enjoy giving gifts (and don't limit myself to Xmas day) so Xmas is a good match for me.

However . . . I do have a problem with holidays in general. I dislike them as a group: all holidays. For one thing, the world stops functioning on holidays. I know people like resting and all, but I don't. I want things to shoot by at 300 mph all day, every day. I'm a naturally speedy guy. Holidays are just too damn sleepy for me. (I'm not keen on weekends either.)

Plus, American holidays are always so fuzzy-headed. I can't count the times I've heard on a newscast recently that something terrible happened to someone ". . . and at this time of year! Tch, tch." Like there's some magical protection that slips down from the sky in this "joyous season" to cover us with an invulnerability shield. It's kinda creepy (and dunder-headed).

So I am a curmudgeon after all. What can I say? This is my personality. I love to give gifts, mind you. And when my nephews were young it was wonderful to see their faces as they opened their gifts on Xmas morning. That's the good part of Xmas: kids and the fun they have on this day.

But holidays themselves? I don't like them at all. In fact, I decided a couple of years ago that I would write a horror novel to attack each major American holiday. My first horror book, Xmas Carol, is the first iteration of this plan. I might not shoot an arrow through the heart of every holiday but I definitely plan to smash July 4th and New Year's Day in upcoming books. These two strike me as being the most mindless of American holidays, which makes them wonderful objects for my scorn. I look forward to strafing them!

Good fun! What makes me thankful for the holidays is that they're big, fat, ungainly targets for my writing. So merry Xmas and ho-ho-ho, folks. Have a great day! And hopefully by next year you'll have read Xmas Carol and will from that point forward include an annual re-reading of it as one of your most "holy" Xmas traditions.

No comments: