Dog is actual dog breed. Who knew?

Y'all know Dog, the creature from a distant galaxy who visited Earth recently. Conor Cunningham drew the image you see at left, and I've used it in all my posts about Dog.

But unbeknownst to me, Conor used a real dog breed for the image. It's called a shiba inu. Down below on the right is a photo I found at Wikipedia Commons, taken by this cute puppy's owner, Mrs. L Selle. Is he a little darling, or what?

I've been thinking about getting a dog. Wouldn't it be fun if I got one of these and hung a gold peace sign around his neck? And of course, I'd name him Dog.

This could be fun.

Reassuring readers

I've received hundreds -- if not thousands -- of emails from concerned readers of this blog. They're worried that I may "misuse" my new Lid. This post is intended to reassure those readers.

Have no fear. When I blog, I will never wear the Lid. If I did, I would be infallible, for all intents and purposes -- and we can't have that. Infallible bloggers just won't do. The very thought is unseemly. No, bloggers must be fallible and I assure you that is what I will continue to be (when I'm not wearing the Lid).

There is no reason to worry that I will break this self-imposed rule. I will wear another top hat while blogging. This is a mere hat, not a device from another galaxy. So readers can rest assured that I will continue to make mistakes on this blog and I will on occasion say things that make no sense at all. I will remain a mere human hairless monkey of Earth while blogging.

That's a promise!

Dog saved my life yesterday

Look at this photo. A dead tree fell yesterday and missed my house by inches. You should have heard this thing hit the ground. I thought a bomb went off.

It could easily have crushed my house. But Dog was looking out for me. After all, he's going to visit me tomorrow night. He certainly couldn't let me die before that momentous meeting. I suspect Dog influenced the fall of the tree on the quantum level, thus changing its path. It's a miracle!

Thank you, Dog! See you tomorrow.

Checking out the steampunk movement

As per Dog's directions, I continue to read up on the steampunk movement. It's a lot of fun and there doesn't seem to be a downside (unless people spend too much on their outfits). That's a group of steampunkers at left, by the way.

If you don't know what steampunk is, you can read about it here. And if you do know what it is, you'll appreciate a quote I found on that page:

 “Steampunk is what happens when goths discover brown.” – Jess Nevins 

I love that. You can see the look in the image above (which I found at this link). Seriously, steampunk is a nice, wholesome movement based on fun and creativity. I like it! But I wonder why Dog insisted I learn about it. Hmmm.

(For those unfamiliar with Dog, he is a friendly algorithm from a galaxy far, far away. He was sent by a federation of intelligent races whose membership spans the universe. Dog's sole purpose is to save humanity from itself. BTW, newsflash: Dog informed me [in a charming series of barks] that he plans to visit me this coming Tuesday night. And he said he has momentous news for me -- which means he has big news for all of us. I believe Dog is going to save mankind! Stay tuned.)

Image: theatlantic.com

Dog's kindly suggestion to me

When Dog visited me recently, he promised to reveal his Suggestions for Humanity. Apparently this won't be instantaneous. Dog is working on something that he says is essential to the coming Revelations. In the meantime, he's asked me to do my part by, of all things, looking into the steampunk movement. Who knew there was a steampunk movement? Below, you'll find a five-minute video to explain the nature of steampunkery. (Apparently steampunk folks make their own music, too. We'll sample some of it in the coming days -- all in anticipation of Dog's revelations, of course. It's exciting, isn't it? Hallelujah!)


Hmmm. Interesting. I saw Steamboy with the kids years ago, and enjoyed it tremendously, as did they. Apparently there's much, much more to the steampunk universe. Stay tuned. (I wonder why Dog urged me to look into this. Oh well, he must have his reasons. And really, who am I to question Dog? It is to laugh.)

He who barks

Look! Up in the sky!!!

I got the call at midnight when I was dead asleep. Groggily, I said "OMD, who the hell is that?" When I reached for the phone, I heard my cousin Carmine's excited voice on the other end.

"It's dog! He was here!" he exclaimed. I could hear the tears of joy in his voice. Dog had come down to Earth and revealed himself -- to my cousin! I can't tell you much more because Carmine is sworn to secrecy. That's the way it works with these dogly visitations. It's like when you visit the Oracle. What she says is for your ears only. Similarly, he who barks, barks only for you.

But to prove that the one true dog appeared at my cousin's house, I present the photographic proof you see here. Luckily, when Carmine told his wife Barbara he had a hunch that dog was coming to their home, she said, "Jeebus! I'd better get a photo of this for Keith's blog!" Always thinking of me, that Barbara.

She grabbed her coat and camera and ran a few blocks away, figuring the shot needed perspective. And would you look at that photo! It's irrefutable proof that dog visited their house.

I tell you, something is in the air. Dog's visit -- and all those meteors and comets and popes! This may be the Time of Dogly Wisdom. In fact, I'll bet dog is going to appear to a number of my readers. I just feel it; no, that's not right. It's not merely a feeling -- it's a matter of faith. I have faith that dog will appear to us.

So, all of you -- keep an eye out. And sniff the air now and then to see if you can detect his dogly presence. (He smells like cookies.) And please report any and all visitations to this blog! I'm counting on you to be intrepid reporters in this Time of Dogly Wisdom.

A great cloud of gnats

Gnat/Wikipedia.

For the past week, there has been a dense cloud of nearly a trillion gnats outside my house. You have to hold a hand over your nose and mouth and run like mad to get through them. You know, I can't help but wonder. Could dog have sent these gnats to me?

I've thought long and hard about what dog may be trying to tell me with this visitation of gnats. And I think I've figured it out! Dog is trying to teach me what a huge cloud of gnats looks like. And dang if he hasn't succeeded in his efforts. I know just what a huge cloud of gnats looks like now.

That dog! You have to give him credit. In his omniscient way, he takes time out of his busy schedule to teach us great things.

The great "as" and "the" in baseball talk

"As this ball rifled by Carrasco!"

Baseball announcers pull these "As" sentences out of the air. In this instance, nothing in particular was going on, no one was talking, yet out of the blue one of the announcers began that sentence with "As". I don't get it but the announcers apparently do. They know that "As" is always an appropriate word with which to begin any baseball sentence.

"As Thole slides into first!"
"As the ball outside -- 1 and 2."

They do this umpteen times in every game. Sometimes you can even catch them combining baseball-language tools, using both the "As" move and the famous "backwards talk" move:

"As, coming down heavily, the rain may halt the game."

But "As" is not alone in this exalted position. "The" has a kingly power on the field. What do I mean by this? Read on.

"Jacoby Elsbury: the base hit!" 

Sure, you could just say "a" base hit but it's not quite up to snuff. No, "the" is the word you're looking for. Actually, it should be capitalized like this: "The Base Hit!". "The" indicates something grand has just walked onto the field. It's as if Greatness, usually On-High, miraculously descended to appear at the ballpark: The Base Hit!!! Here are a few more examples:

"What this guy needs is The Home Run!" It's as if he's calling the spirit of "The Home Run", an entity in itself, and asking it to grace the field. "A" home run wouldn't do in this instance. Oh, no, no, no. "The" is clearly called for here.

"He gets him at second; he gets him at first -- The Double Play!!" It's like a sighting of the Blessed Virgin Mary or the Queen herself: "Gasp! Look, mum! The Queen!"

Okay, one more thing from the happy land of baseball. I was watching Hawk Harrelson the other night. He announces the White Sox games and is my favorite sportscaster, hands down (strapped down, in fact). His usual on-air partner, Steve Stone, was absent for a few days and so his old co-announcer (whose name I forget; sorry) filled in for Stone.

These two guys were so giddy together, it was insane. They were like two little boys trying not to giggle as they served mass: totally out of control. At one point they tried to tell a story about Art Kushner, a baseball guy who now works at a fantasy baseball camp. They swore Art was the funniest guy in baseball.

So they trotted out this story that, as I say, they tried to tell -- but they couldn't because they were laughing too hard. You couldn't even tell who was speaking because their voices both ascended into an upper-upper register and remained there. They could hardly get a squeak out.

Finally, they managed to say that Art would tell stories about taking his dog Lucky out "for his morning drag." At the very mention of the dog's name -- Lucky -- they fell to the floor with laughter. And then, as they tried to get the punchline out, it seemed neither could do it. By this point, of course, I was laughing along with them. You do, when people get giddy. Finally they squeaked out: "He had only one leg!" After which they tumbled into an endless fit of giggles. I got a big kick out of it.

Okay, that's it for baseball talk today. Enjoy the games! Subway series in NYC this weekend. And my Red Sox are playing Annie's Cubbies! It's incestuous and fabulous.