Dolan's hate-filled Catch-22

The evil Timothy Dolan

Luckily for us, the evil head of the NY archdiocese, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, went on TV yesterday to "clarify" the pope's words about gay people.

We really needed his help, since the pope said only a day before, "If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?" We're far too stupid to understand a statement like that. So Timmy stepped in it to tell us what the pope's words really mean.

The gay-hating head of the New York Archdiocese, speaking Tuesday on "CBS This Morning," praised the new pope for the "beautifully tender way" that he spoke about the issue one day earlier.

Nice start, but he went downhill fast. To fully grok his evilness, you must recall that Dolan is the Catholic point-man for attacks on gay marriage. So what did he say on TV, to "clarify" the pope's words? 

Dolan specifically reiterated the church's teaching on same-sex relationships, noting "the immorality, in God's view, of any sexual expression outside of a man and a woman in lifelong marriage."

Thanks, Timmy! So let's see. Sex is only okay when it occurs within a marriage between (ahem) a man and a woman. Isn't that sweet? He reminds us that sex outside marriage is sinful -- and yet he is the honcho who opposes marriage for gays in the United States. So marriage makes sex okay -- but marriage must forever be denied to gay people: Catch-22. Timmy must be so proud of himself.

Thanks a lot, Timmy! We were confused by the pope's kind words but you straightened us out. Now we can go back to beating gay people up, killing them and making fun of them at every opportunity.

Hey Dolan, let me clarify your words for you. You're a filthy, gay-hating pig. If hell was real, it's where you'd belong.