How to fix Ike Davis

Ike Davis is the Mets first baseman. He's very talented but suffers from debilitating performance anxiety. For the past two seasons, he hasn't been able to produce. He just can't hit the ball, which is absurd when you consider his natural talent. So everyone wants to fix Ike Davis.

But no one's saying the right thing. He's got to change his walk-on music. For the entire two-year period, he's been using the Stones' "Start Me Up" as his song when he's in the batter's box. It's become the sound of failure. His brain hears it, knows what it means (failure) and then he strikes out. This is not rocket science. Change the song! In fact, change it weekly until he starts hitting -- and then keep the song that "worked". His brain will connect the new song to success.

As long as we're talking about baseball, look at that jersey in the photo above. Oy. They combined ORANGE and PURPLE! And yes, I yelled when I said that. I swear, sometimes it's hard to be a gay baseball fan. I got nauseous every time I saw that onscreen in last night's game (which they lost). Oy again. The MLB needs gay male advisers who can help them choose their colors. We could also send in a Beard Trim Mercy Squad to fix up all those horrid beards.

But for now, I'd settle for Ike changing his song. Someone tell him about this (in case he doesn't read my blog).