I wonder if they have a secret tree-house

While I was out in the world the other day, I missed a few news stories. This one about the "princes of the church" and their extra-special, double-secret conclave tickled me.

In a rare glimpse of the process, the Vatican showed reporters footage of the cardinals entering the assembly hall and taking their seats, flipping through the book of conclave ritual with its green hard cover, the “Ordo rituum conclavis.”

The cardinals took assigned seats, swore an oath of secrecy and agreed to send a message to Benedict, who has retreated to the papal summer home in Castel Gandolfo outside of Rome.

This sounds like the secret clubs created by little boys. I wonder if they put up a sign that says "No Girls Allowed". Oh, right -- they didn't have to. Virulent sexism is implicit in everything they say and do.

Oh, joy!

The last cardinal who will participate in the conclave to elect the next pope arrived in Rome on Thursday, meaning a date can now be set for the election.

The fun is about to begin! I tell you, I'm all fired up. A new popey guy! What fun it'll be to play with him, no matter who he turns out to be. Speaking of the election, who do you think they'll choose? Here are my thoughts.

First off, I doubt they'll pick me as the new pope. For a while, I thought there was an outside chance. But no. I've accepted this. Moving on to other possible candidates, I think the cardinals' childish understanding of sexuality, coupled with the church's monstrous history of preying upon children, will drive them to choose the worst possible candidate.

Yup, I'm talkin' Turkson. A gay-hating, totally straight African pope who's ready to trounce on nuns and other feminine and feminine-like atrocities such as gay people -- would appeal to these cardinals, all of whom were appointed by Ratzinger based on their thick-headedness. 

Or they could go the Disney route and pick Timmy Dolan. I know people are poo-pooing this notion but I think Timmy's got a good chance. After all, he honcho'd the church's pogrom against gays in the US. And he seems to be trying, of late, to become the Mr. Rogers of cardinals. I mean, have you heard the stuff he's said lately? He sounds like Tinkerbell on PCP.

Anyway, those are my two faves for the job of Popey Guy of Planet Earth. What do you think? Got any hot candidates? I'm not familiar with all the cardinals (and neither are they), so there could be another gem in the bunch. But however it goes, we are in for some newfangled fun! Hooray for the (next) popey guy!