It's alive!

I'm happy to report that the post title refers to me. I have returned to the living! As it says in scripture, "No spider shall take Keith O'Connor down, not ever, nuh-uh." The bible rocks sometimes, you know?

I know I'm okay (well, almost) because I edited five scenes in Xmas Carol. It's true! I live!!!!!!!

And damn, it was creepy (and boring) being sick. Anyone who has a chronic illness has my sympathy and respect. And those who are productive, to boot, have my admiration. I don't know how you do it.

Amazing, at least to me

I cannot believe Jonah Lehrer tanked like this. I used to love the guy. To think that he entered Shattered Glass territory -- for no reason at all, really -- is shocking.

In case you don't read the linked article, the story says he made up Dylan quotes for his book, "Imagine: How Creativity Works". How could such an intelligent guy do something like that? I really don't get it. And I feel terribly let down.

I have promoted Milo and his flock

Milo, the proudest and finest goose in the world, who heads the flock at my local pond, was in for a surprise this morning. He didn't see it coming.

I says to him, "Milo, first of all, I am promoting your flock. Henceforth it shall be a Legion." And then I really shocked him. "And, Milo," I says, "you are now a we." In case he didn't get the big picture, I explained this further. I says, "Milo, what this means is from now on, you can say, 'We are Legion' -- even when you're alone! Say it proudly, Milo, and say it often."

I know the Vatican is reading this post. They always do. I hear there's a full staff that attend to my blog and try to come up with counter-prayers, to keep me at bay. Hmph. As if they could.

Listen to me, Vatican guys. If you don't knuckle under to my gay atheist demands...all of them, I will send Milo's Legion to your accursed city and direct them to poop on your graven images -- but only after they poop on your heads. Take that, Vatican.

So, yeah. Milo got promoted. Cool, huh? Hark, I hear the Legion now. They're passing over the house. I think I'm beginning to understand their language. I can't be sure, but I think I heard one say, "I can't wait to poop on the popey guy!"

PS: I'm still sick. I think a spider's bite is at the root of my problems. So this pathetic post is probably all you'll find here today. Where is wellness, I ask you, where is wellness?!

A good knish

Knishes and more. Much more.

I remember when there were knish wagons everywhere on the streets of NYC. This was back in the days when reality was in black and white. Perhaps there still are knish wagons on every corner. I don't know since I live in the woods these days.

I always wanted a knish. From the first day I saw one, I wanted it. You'd think this would work out for me, but it didn't. I'd buy one and hate it. Couldn't even eat it; threw it away. But this encounter didn't diminish my urge to eat knishes. So I bought them again and again -- but it always ended the same way. It seems I don't like knishes.

Even at Ratner's, the Jewish restaurant on 2nd Avenue, I didn't like the knishes. (Frankly, everything at Ratner's was a little too clean and pure for me. I like grease with my breakfast, thank you.) But still, my knish situation didn't change. I wanted one.

I would kill for a good knish this morning.

There are good religious people

Sister Pat Farrell.

I've never doubted the existence of good religious people. I've met them, so I know they exist. I remember a Catholic priest in the 60s who had a small parish in Queens. When hippies arrived on the scene, he invited me (the most visible hippie in his neighborhood) to come smoke dope with him.

He didn't actually smoke with me. But he invited me to the school gym, locked the doors and set up at a record player for our meeting. He had asked me to bring along some records, so I arrived with Donovan and Dylan albums under my arm. We sat in two folding chairs on the gym floor, next to the record player, and he invited me to smoke dope as we listened to the music and discussed it. He wanted to know what the hippie thing was all about, so he could understand what was going on with the younger members of his flock, all of whom were morphing into hippies. That was a powerful, right-minded priest. His only impulse was to understand and help.

I see this same attitude in the nuns who work so hard in the United States. Nuns are good people (for the most part). All those I've encountered have been open to the world, to new ideas. And they haven't been vicious at all. That's left to the priests. Nuns, in my experience, are never judgemental. Like that priest from the 60s, they only want to help.

So it will be very, very interesting to see what response the nuns give to the Vatican's recent attack. Today's New York Times has an interesting article about the situation. Something tells me the nuns will do the right thing, especially since Sister Pat Farrell is the president of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious -- the organization directly attacked by the Vatican. She's one smart cookie. I know in my heart that the nuns will not buckle under. You cannot silence people who can tell right from wrong. The nuns have been using their brains (and their hearts) all these years, while the priests have not. It's the nuns who'll come out on top. Just you wait and see.

London Olympics opening ceremony

C'mon, admit it. That opening ceremony was extremely tacky. I had to turn the TV off, I was so embarrassed for the Brits.

It was like they gave a bunch of money -- though not that much -- to the local HS musical director and said, "Go!". It was sour and smelled like worn, sweaty clothes lying forgotten on a basement floor.

And where was the artistic perspective? The arena looked awful and confused, old and uninspired. It was as if artists played no role in crafting the visuals.

What did you think?

About this smoking orangutan

Awwww.

Now, look. This poor orangutan isn't responsible for her smoking addiction -- her zoo handlers are. They let it happen when they didn't stop zoo visitors from tossing cigarettes to her for 10 long years. (You wouldn't think you'd have to watch out for a thing like that, people tossing lit cigarettes to animals, but there you go.) And now they want to force her to stop smoking, cold turkey.

She likes to smoke. So give the poor thing a cigarette three times a day, after meals -- oh, and one at bedtime and another after sex (should sex occur). But that's it -- don't give her more than the four cigarettes a day. The problem, I'm sure, was that people were giving her cigarettes all day long. They turned her into a heavy smoker.

With people, you can't just say "have four cigarettes a day and that's it," because people do whatever they damn please. I'm sure a ton of smokers would love to smoke only four cigarettes a day -- but they can't because they have free will (and charge cards). This, however, is a zoo animal, a captive. It would be a simple matter to limit her smoking to this perfectly acceptable minimum. She'd hardly cough.

So I say: let her have a good time. She can't go out and buy her own cigarettes, after all. It's not like her habit's going to grow. It'll stay nice and manageable. But the important thing is, she'll not only get used to the 4-a-day routine, she'll be happy. And that's what it's all about.

PS: I just read the linked article, one I picked at random, and was happy to see this phrase: "As Tori is weaned from cigarettes in the coming months..." Good. Don't be cruel to the poor thing.

Music from Xmas Carol

Because I have a few new, pre-publication readers of my horror novel, Xmas Carol, I'd like to post a song that appears prominently in the book. It's "The Girl with the Flaxen Hair" by Debussy. I think it's the most beautiful song in the world.

The pope attacks San Francisco

This morning, Joe Jervis reports that the pope has appointed the worst possible person as Archbishop of San Francisco: Salvatore "I hate gay people" Cordileone. It's literally a rocket attack on SF's gay population.

I wondered why the Catholic church had been so quiet in recent weeks. Apparently, they were loading their rocket-launchers. Today, this news comes out. And yesterday, the priest in charge of harassing American nuns fired his first volley against them, insisting that they speak out against gays and abortion.

The Catholic League for Hatred and Unfairness, centered in the Vatican, is effectively announcing the beginning of an all-out war. They'll lose, of course. And they'll hurt American Catholics in the process. But they don't care. Only hatred matters to them. As I often say, that's quite a religion they've got there.

Climate change just got a lot worse

Booman has a post this morning about how extreme weather is destroying the ozone layer over the United States. I knew nothing about this and it's scary. But as he notes, no one will pay attention because it might interfere with the flow of quick profits.

The human race is one big lemming.