Baseballisms

What the heck, let's talk about baseball again. The other day I heard an announcer speak about the amazing feats players accomplish on the baseball field. He said, speaking of an in-fielder who had to run after a ball and catch it underhanded, as two of his teammates were converging on the same spot:

"And you're running full-out, your eyes are bouncing, you put your glove out in front of you, in traffic, and you catch the ball. Amazing!"

Don't you love the way the announcers tell you what the player is thinking? For instance: "He wasn't lookin' fastball. He was lookin' slider." The scary thing is that I think they're accurate in these assessments most of the time. They were players; they feel what they're seeing and it puts them inside the players' heads. I like that. And I love the sound of the "lookin' slider" talk. It's also true that players do that all the time. That's why they look so surprised sometimes. They were lookin' different.

Okay, I've got a pet peeve to talk about. Won't take me long. It's those people with stupid signs at the game. Some signs are great; don't get me wrong. But signs like "It's my first Father's Day at a White Sox game" should be taken out of a fan's hand as he enters the stadium. The fan should then be given a generic sign that says, "It's all about me!" Let's streamline the message. This goes for the entire "It's my birthday, hit a home run for me" crowd. You're like the parasites on cellphones behind the hitter, waving at the camera. You're idiots.

Lest we end on a low note, I want to point out two baseball oddities. The first is the very existence of surrender-white rally flags. People, people, people -- what are you thinking? Use a color or don't have rally flags. White flags have a definite, obvious, glaring meaning -- and it ain't "Rah! Rah! Rah!"

The final odd thing concerns Madison Baumgarner, the Giants pitcher. This guy pitches left-handed but bats right-handed. How can this be? Then again, how can anyone be ambidextrous? It's impossible, I tell you!

Enjoy the games! The season won't last forever (sob).

Baseball's "backwards talk"

One day in the Magic Land of Baseball -- though no one can say which day it was, definitively -- a sportscaster did something very odd. He started talking backwards. And like a viral meme, this strange way of speaking took over the Magic Land of Baseball, where it thrives to this day.

What the heck am I talking about? Here are some examples:

"And back to the bag at first, is Ellsbury!"

"Very sharp tonight, is Chris Young."

Get the idea? Seriously, how could such a trend catch on? It's not like it sounds good. It's not like it's easier to say. It's just dumb. But does that stop them?

"He's got an idea up there for sure, does young Zimmerman."
"And trying to keep it a three-run spread, is Jordan Smith!"

It's insane. They do this in every game.

"Stayed back on it, did Ike."

"Almost throwing the ball away, was Runzler!"

C'mon guys, seriously. Listen to yourselves. How did a thing like this ever get started? Anyway, just one more odd thing about the language of baseball: backwards talk.