The language of baseball

"His stuff is taking it to a whole ‘nother level!" So said a baseball announcer during a game. I love the way they talk about "stuff". Makes me laugh.

I also heard an announcer say, "He pulled the lampshade down on that one!" As in, "the show is over"? This was said of a pitcher striking a guy out. I don't understand the reference. All I can think of is drunk guys with lampshades on their heads. Any suggestions?

"And just like that, the inning is over." I love this all-purpose expression. You hear it in every other game. "And just like that, the score is 10-1!" It seems to key on the quickness of a change. "And just like that, the game is over," for instance, would seem to suggest a quick final inning.

Guy gets a hit. "He's makin' a statement out there!" Uh, no. He merely got a hit.

As always, I love the things Hawk Harrelson says. He's one of the regular White Sox announcers. In a game the other day, he said, "He's 4-5. And there's not a duck snort involved in there. They have all been hit right on the sweetmeat." I love the guy. He always sounds like he just emerged from a time machine. Very old school. (Aside: Siri knew exactly what I meant when I dictated what Hawk said. You'd think dictation would have a problem with "sweetmeat", but no. Siri knows everything about sports, including how to spell Hawk Harrelson.)

Okay, this one's not about language. I just want to say how nice it is to see Ryan Dempster sitting and spitting on the Red Sox bench. He looks very happy.

Homophobic wording in NY Times

I was disappointed to see this lede in a New York Times story:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A teacher has testified that a gay student at a Southern California junior high school paraded around in makeup and high heels in front of a classmate who is accused of killing him the next day.

Was that language necessary? It doesn't appear that the writer was quoting the teacher. If he was, there would be quotation marks surrounding the phrase, "paraded around in makeup and high heels". So why say this? Is this the writer's view? The language is incredibly homophobic. "Walked back and forth in front of the defendant" would work just as well in the article -- without bringing bigotry into it.

This kind of homophobic reportage is like something from the 1950s. New York Times, you are disgusting.

Baseballisms

What the heck, let's talk about baseball again. The other day I heard an announcer speak about the amazing feats players accomplish on the baseball field. He said, speaking of an in-fielder who had to run after a ball and catch it underhanded, as two of his teammates were converging on the same spot:

"And you're running full-out, your eyes are bouncing, you put your glove out in front of you, in traffic, and you catch the ball. Amazing!"

Don't you love the way the announcers tell you what the player is thinking? For instance: "He wasn't lookin' fastball. He was lookin' slider." The scary thing is that I think they're accurate in these assessments most of the time. They were players; they feel what they're seeing and it puts them inside the players' heads. I like that. And I love the sound of the "lookin' slider" talk. It's also true that players do that all the time. That's why they look so surprised sometimes. They were lookin' different.

Okay, I've got a pet peeve to talk about. Won't take me long. It's those people with stupid signs at the game. Some signs are great; don't get me wrong. But signs like "It's my first Father's Day at a White Sox game" should be taken out of a fan's hand as he enters the stadium. The fan should then be given a generic sign that says, "It's all about me!" Let's streamline the message. This goes for the entire "It's my birthday, hit a home run for me" crowd. You're like the parasites on cellphones behind the hitter, waving at the camera. You're idiots.

Lest we end on a low note, I want to point out two baseball oddities. The first is the very existence of surrender-white rally flags. People, people, people -- what are you thinking? Use a color or don't have rally flags. White flags have a definite, obvious, glaring meaning -- and it ain't "Rah! Rah! Rah!"

The final odd thing concerns Madison Baumgarner, the Giants pitcher. This guy pitches left-handed but bats right-handed. How can this be? Then again, how can anyone be ambidextrous? It's impossible, I tell you!

Enjoy the games! The season won't last forever (sob).