A most excellent feeling

When I was a little boy, the concept of sanctifying grace was explained to me and I fell for it. What can I say? I was only six or so. By seven, I got over the notion. But for a time, I went with the woo.

Back in those black-and-white days, when I did all the right things and went to confession and prayed and whatnot, I had a good feeling in my stomach (or maybe it was my chest). It came from knowing that I was in a state of sanctifying grace. Even if god killed me, everything would be fine. In fact, it would be great because I'd go straight to heaven. Being in a state of sanctifying grace is the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card.

Today I get that same feeling when I know that all my electronics are charged. Just saying.

TV chuckle alert

Tonight, ABC's 20/20 (9 PM) is broadcasting a show called "Heaven: Where Is It? How Do We Get There?" Should be fun. It's going to include people of various religions from around the world, discussing their ideas about heaven.

Do you remember "Heaven", the marvelous documentary that Diane Keaton directed and produced? How I adored that film. (It was of course trashed by the NY Times, which has never once been right about a book or a movie. When I read one of their reviews, I always assume the opposite is true. They're quite useful when viewed this way.) 

I'm hoping this will be a bit like Keaton's "Heaven" but it probably won't be. I assume Keaton went into the project with the idea of showing what a stupid idea heaven is. Not sure about these folks but it's probably a safe bet that they're either believers or wussy types who would never upset believers. Still, it's great fun to hear the stupid ideas people have about this nonexistent place. I'm looking forward to it.

Why isn't life enough for some people?

Heaven (shudder).

I don't understand religious people's obsession with "the afterlife". Why isn't living enough? And more pointedly, why do they consider human life meaningless unless eternal life is waiting in the wings? I don't get it. These people need to get out more often.

Look at the universe we find ourselves in. It's a hostile place out there yet here we are, cozy and comfy on this warm blue marble of a world. There's water all over the place and tons of stuff to eat. Life is good.

Beyond this, we can't help but compare ourselves to the other life forms on this planet. They have it great, too; don't get me wrong. But we're the lucky ones, the creatures who can understand our world and manipulate it to improve our situation. Better yet, by studying the world around us we've discovered awesome things: general relativity, quantum mechanics, evolution, dark energy, dark matter and black holes! Woot!

As a species, we're sitting pretty (while ruining the planet, but that's another post). A human can have a very rewarding life on this planet. Yet somehow, all this is meaningless if there's no heaven? What is wrong with religious people?

John Lennon's lyric -- Imagine there's no heaven -- is ultimately silly. You don't need to imagine anything. Just open your eyes and what you see is a world without a heaven. You're in it, kid. Congratulations!

I'm back in the saddle again!

Yesterday the blessed Apple Store called to say my computer was ready. Of course, I rushed off to Connecticut immediately to fetch it. This time the store was not only very noisy and crowded -- it was hot! Still, it didn't take too long, perhaps 10 minutes, before they handed me my baby.

(You must buy Apple's "AppleCare Protection Plan" when you get a Mac. It's 249 bucks and covers you for three years. The bill for fixing my computer -- they told me lightning or a power surge killed something inside it -- would have been $776 but because I had the plan it was free. And I've still got over two years coverage coming. Plus you can call them with questions every day if you want. They're quick and they actually help you. It's a grand company.)

I can't tell you how happy I am to be staring at my 27 inch screen again. What you really should do after reading this article is go buy a 27-inch iMac. This thing is so fast and responsive, it's shocking. Anyway, to celebrate the moment, here's Gene Autry. I'm home, baby, home!

About that heaven idea

Professor Stephen W. Hawking.

From an interview with Stephen Hawking:

"I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first," he told the newspaper.

"I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."

Heaven, the playground of the dead

Heaven. C'mon in, set a spell.

Ah, what fun they must have up there in heaven where it's always swell, and all. What a joy it must be to get up each morning, ready for a robust day of god-adoring. It sounds grand!

And just think: all the dried-up, nasty old church people you always detested are up there, too! It'll be swell to see them, and the saints and all. And of course, as the popey guy makes new saints they'll pop up in heaven, all fabulous and everything, their stature established for all time. And these saint-raisings are great because they break up the monotony.

Oh, wait. Did I say monotony? I meant ecstasy. Sorry, and of course I meant pious ecstasy not the other kind, the bad kind. (And certainly not the drug!) No, there's none of that sort of thing in heaven. You don't want to let the riff-raff in -- and that other kind of ecstasy might attract them. That's why there's no pleasure in heaven: to keep out the unsavory types. None of that element up in heaven.

Oh, let us go adore him right now. Snore. Yes, indeed. It must be great in heaven! And just think: it's almost May 21st! We'll be there soon! Woot!