GOP wingnuts adopt the pope's words

As readers of this blog surely know, the popeyguy emeritus, when he was pope, referred to gays as "intrinsically disordered". Surprise, surprise. American wingnuts have taken up the phrase. We are officially "disordered".

Good to know. But then, there is no real distinction between the Vatican and the GOP. They are one.

The fallibility of infallibility

Go read this terrific op-ed at the NYT. It's by Gary Wills and it lays out the reasons why nothing will ever change in the Roman Catholic church. Don't waffle. Go read it because the pope wouldn't want you to. I rest my case.

Pope is fun tweeter

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Pope Benedict XVI is giving a shout-out to an anti-abortion rally in Washington, tweeting that politicians should protect the unborn and "promote a culture of life." 

Catholic Church teaching holds that life begins at conception and ends at sexual maturity.

Wow, now that the pope's tweeting, everything is so much better. People all around the world agree. The pope's tweets are fixing everything.

And -- be still my heart -- I heard there's gonna be a popey guy app released by the end of next month! Can you imagine the wisdom we'll be in for? Wow! 

Now that the pope is tech-enabled, surely the first second coming of Christ can't be far off. Wowee! Thanks, popey guy, for everything.

This actually happened

So Leon Panetta, acting war lord for the United States, visited the pope, the only infallible person on Earth who spends the majority of his time attacking gay people and women. According to AP, this was their conversation.

Panetta kissed the Pope's hand, and the Pope said, "Thank you for helping to protect the world." 

The Pentagon boss responded, "Pray for me." 

Is that inspiring, or what? I don't know about you, but this exchange makes me feel peaceful. Maybe I'll go say a prayer, or something. Or lie down. Yeah, that's it. I'll go lie down.

A flawed protest

The headline says 4 women strip, protest Vatican gay marriage stance.

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Four women have gone topless in St. Peter's Square to protest the Vatican's opposition to gay marriage.

Police quickly took the women away Sunday, and the pope appeared not to have been disturbed as he delivered his traditional prayer from his studio window overlooking the piazza. 

Of course the very gay, anti-gay pope wasn't "disturbed". I'm sure he didn't even glance at the women. Now, if male protesters had gone bottomless -- that would have gotten the pope's attention (and wormed its way into his dreams). Alas, only women took part in the protest. Even a topless male would have drawn the pope's glance. Who plans these things?

Slice of Vatican life

As he cleaned his teeth with a gold toothpick, Pope Benedict XVI urged world leaders on Monday to try to reduce the growing gap between the rich and the poor...

I wonder if he was sitting on his gold throne as he said this. Though I don't know the answer to this question, I have it on good authority that when he finished the speech, he spat on the Vatican floor and said, "Good! Now we can get back to persecuting the gays. Bring me my high-heeled red shoes! And get Timmeh in here. That boy is so damn good at this!"

The pope's worst nightmare

Apparently, China rounded up 500 members of an evangelical Christian sect. One of their beliefs is guaranteed to drive the pope batty.

Those detained are reported to be members of the group Almighty God, which is also called Eastern Lightning, after a phrase from the Bible's Book of Matthew. Widely regarded as a heretical Christian sect, the group preaches that Jesus has reappeared as a woman in central China. It has been accused of targeting Christians, kidnapping and beating them to force conversions. 

A female Jesus! I'll bet steam comes out of the man-loving pope's ears when he hears anything about this group. Fun!

The vapid words of priests

The pope sent the following message to the grieving families in Newton, CT:

"I assure the families of the victims, especially those who lost a child, of my closeness in prayer," the pope said in his first public comments on the massacre by a lone gunman. "May the God of consolation touch their hearts and ease their pain." 

Thanks, pope. Your meaningless words mean...nothing. But what does fat, red-faced Cardinal Timmy Dolan have to say about the massacre? (I knew he'd worm his way into these events somehow.)

“Even in moments of tragedy, God gives us light,” Dolan said. “We have to seek the light in the darkness that God gives us. Goodness will always trump evil.”

Yes, let's all look for that light from god, and the goodness that is surely all over these events. It must be there...somewhere. Priests offer meaningless words. It's what they do.

Yesterday on CNN, I heard a dreadful pastor speaking nonsense. The anchor asked him what we should tell the parents. I didn't get the pastor's name, but he said we must remember that we are "fallen" and must "seek redemption." You know what, pastor? Fuck you and your filthy faith. Fallen indeed. That's just what the parents need to hear right now. What disgusting words.

Religion is empty. It's a magic fence constructed around nothing. Thus the words of priests are always meaningless. It disgusts me the way these "men of the cloth" cluster around disasters to reap their own Earthly rewards, such as camera time, adulation and donations. They make me sick.

The adventures of the popey guy

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Christmas season is kicking off at the Vatican with the traditional lighting of the tree in St. Peter's Square — and a reminder from the pope about what happened when the "lights" of God were turned off in past atheistic regimes. 

Were lots of kids raped? Were they, huh? Those damned atheists!

Yay, a new popemobile!

German automaker Daimler says it has delivered Pope Benedict XVI his new popemobile — a customized Mercedes-Benz M-Class SUV with special security features.

...Daimler says the white-painted vehicle's central interior design feature is a "throne" embroidered with the pontiff's coat of arms. 

It must be wonderful to live in a gold palace and ride around in a mobile throne. The pope must feel like Cleopatra. I hope the windows on the vehicle extend to the floor so everyone can marvel at his red shoes.

The pope's handle

Today's headline roars Pope joins tweeting masses with Pontifex handle. Indeed.

When I was in college, I had a boon companion who was as obsessed with language as I was. One evening, as we toyed with words, we decided that fex was the singular form for feces. Welcome Pontifex!

The pope is a dastardly fellow

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The pope is urging prison administrators to respect the dignity and rights of criminals in their care, and to help rehabilitate them...
Benedict's ex-butler Paolo Gabriele, convicted last month of stealing papal documents and leaking them to a journalist, accused Vatican police of causing him "psychological pressure" by keeping him in a tiny cell with the lights on constantly for his first 20 days of detention.

The pope is the gift that keeps on giving. Everything he says or does is tainted by evil.

The fog lifts for a moment

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Some 80,000 pilgrims in flowered lei, feathered headdresses and other traditional garb flooded St. Peter's Square on Sunday as Pope Benedict XVI added seven more saints onto the roster of Catholic role models in a bid to reinvigorate the faith in parts of the world where it's lagging.

Hmmm. So the pope didn't do this because these folks are saints. Perish the thought. He did it to drum up business in areas where faith "is lagging". That's quite a church they've got there. The article goes on to say:

The canonization coincided with a Vatican meeting of the world's bishops on trying to revive Christianity in places where it's fallen by the wayside.

Coincidence? Surely. Otherwise the canonizations would be a mere marketing tool. And that can't be true. Jeebus wouldn't do stuff like that -- and the pope is his right-hand guy. Nothing to see here but saints. Move along.

Xmas Carol is available at the iBookstore

Hooray! Your choices have expanded. You can buy Xmas Carol at Amazon, at the Smashwords bookstore -- and now at the iBookStore on your iPhone or iPad. (It's also available at the internet iBookStore on the web.)

If you've never used iBooks, just open iBooks on your iPhone. You want to be on the page that has the bookshelves. Click on Store (if you don't see it, click stuff until you do) and type in "Xmas Carol". Then click on buy.

Understand that you must buy the book. This is not optional. You won't have a decent Christmas unless you read this book. It's that crucial to your existence. And I care about you; I really do.

So here's what you should do. Drop everything in your life immediately -- kids, jobs, gardening, whatever -- just drop it. Then buy the book and sit down and read it. Don't worry about anything. I've got it covered. You won't have to attend to any life duties for the next week! I've given you a special dispensation, just like the pope gives out. All you have to do is read Xmas Carol. 

And when you're done reading, go to the site where you bought the book (a mere $2.99; just saying) and write a review. Empty out your soul, child! Tell the world what you experienced as you read Xmas Carol. People everywhere are waiting to hear your words.

Reading and reviewing the book is now the sole purpose of your existence. All other goals and urges have been canceled for the duration. You have your orders. Special bonus: sanctifying grace for every reader! (The pope told me it's okay if I say that.)

The pope is going to be kind. Uh-huh.

I love how all the stories about the pope's butler insist the pope will grant him clemency. Perhaps they're thinking of a past pope. This one is downright mean.

Let's consider how they treated Paolo Gabriele after his Vatican "arrest". That sounds extremely kind, doesn't it? And now that he's on "house arrest" Gabriele is living "in his 'grace and favour' apartment situated inside the walls of Vatican City." I'd hate to see what they're going to feed him. And of course, there's this:

The Vatican prosecutor is also considering further possible, and more serious, charges against both Paolo Gabriele and Claudio Sciarpelletti - including violation of state secrets and attacking state security. These would involve heavier punishments than for aggravated theft. 

Sounds exactly like kindness and clemency. Poor Gabriele. On the other hand, if a certain handsome prelate were to whisper the idea of clemency in the pope's ears -- who knows? He might grant it.

The always classy Sal Cordileone

"SF Archbishop Jokes About Recent DUI Arrest" is the headline of an AP story up at the New York Times today.

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Amid heavy security and the splendor of his faith's most sacred rites, the new Roman Catholic archbishop of San Francisco assumed office Thursday without referring to the distress his appointment has aroused in this gay-friendly city, but offering self-deprecating jokes about his recent drunken driving arrest. 

He comes into town to trash gay people -- at the behest of the pope -- gets a DUI almost immediately, and jokes about it from the pulpit.

Sal Cordileone is displaying perfect Christian values right out of the box. There is no morality in such a person's world. Destroying gay families for Jesus? Check. Getting DUI? Check. Joking about DUI: check again.

I wonder if the pope's infallibility came into play when he appointed this gem of a fellow.

German Roman Catholic church acts like mafia

The best part about this is that the pope approved it. As I always say, that's quite a church they've got there. How can anyone remain Catholic?

Irony no one seems to notice

The headline of a NY TImes piece today is "Benedict Takes Message of Tolerance to Lebanon". I burst out laughing when I saw it. The man who fosters anti-gay hatred in every country on Earth is taking time out of his busy schedule to bring his extra-special message of "tolerance" to Lebanon. Indeed. These are times of high irony.

The twisted Vatican butler trial

Holy Ghost and popey guy.

You knew it would get stranger, and it has.

Vatican Prosecutor Nicola Picardi, in seeking trial, quoted Gabriele [the butler] as telling his interrogators after his arrest that he thought that the role of whistle-blower in the church "belongs to the Holy Spirit, whom I felt in some way had entered into me." 

He was apparently trying to expose corruption at the highest levels of the Vatican hierarchy.

The indictment quoted Gabriele as telling investigators that he was "motivated by my deep faith and by the desire that in the church light is shed on everything." 

Vatican prosecutor Nicola Picardi quoted the butler as telling his interrogators that "seeing evil and corruption everywhere in the Church ... I was sure that a shock, even a media one, would have been healthy to bring the Church back on the right track." 

Ghosts: holy ones. This is what happens when you encourage people to believe in fairytales. Dog knows how this will turn out. I hope it creates a major ruckus. Let's hear more about that corruption at the top. Go, Gabriele (even though you're crazy).

Tomorrow is D-Day for American nuns

Storming the beaches.

Tomorrow, the largest group of American nuns will issue their response to the ridiculous charges spewed at them by the Vatican. No way they're gonna lie down for this. I cannot wait to read the response. And the nuns are getting tons of support from Americans:

More than 900 Roman Catholic nuns gathering in St. Louis, Mo., this week to discuss the future of their relationship with the Vatican were surprised to be greeted by supporters with a simple message on their signs: "We're with you, sisters."

We are indeed with you, sisters. Since the Vatican will never back down, I expect this to end with the nuns seceding from the Catholic church and forming their own, independent religious organization. That would be lovely. They could model Catholicism for the Vatican, to show them what it looks like.

Eat it, popey guy. No one in the US is going to bow down to the Vatican's authoritarian edicts. No one.