Fatigue?

I read a news story today (no link) that suggested New Yorkers are experiencing "gay marriage fatigue", what with all the gay weddings.

I'd just like to say that I've had "straight marriage fatigue" all my life.

Marriage. Yawn.

It's wonderful that gay people can marry. You can't bar people from doing something everyone else can do, so it's only fair. But really, I'm so anti-marriage that it's hard to do more than yawn.

I always have a negative reaction when a friend tells me s/he's getting married. It just seems so dull, so old-world and unnecessary. Marriage is tired.

If you and another person are in love, you should stay together. When and if the love dies, you should part. I don't see how making a financial bet (marriage) changes this, except to make it more painful and labor-intensive to break up.

It's just creepy. And for gay people, marriage seems unutterably dull. Now, adding kids to the mix muddies the water. I understand: you think marriage provides security for the kids. So don't abandon them. If you have a kid, you have an obligation. The nature of that obligation has nothing to do with being married.

Finally, I can't ignore the big picture: marriage is a mutual agreement to slap on the handcuffs. That doesn't sound very grown-up to me.

Confirmed: Giants' Brian Wilson is straight

Really.

Brian Wilson is the insanely attention-hungry closer for the Giants baseball team -- you know, the one with the dyed black beard that looks so incredibly stupid. That's him on the left.

Dimwits often say he looks like a gay man. Well, I never believed that for one second. No gay man would wear a beard that looks like it was dipped in black shoe polish. (Not to mention the mohawk.) But today comes the ultimate confirmation that he is indeed straight. We know this from the outfit he wore to the ESPY awards. According to Celebrity Cafe:

The eccentric pitcher took to the red carpet in Los Angeles wearing a one-piece, spandex tuxedo and an orange bow tie. His accessories included white gloves, a cane, red socks and black sneakers.

Only a straight guy would combine orange and red in an outfit -- or in the colors for a playground or a shopping mall or a sports arena. If you see red with orange, you know that a straight person was in charge. It's utterly impossible for a gay man to commit this atrocious color crime. Therefore Brian Wilson is straight. End of story. Phew. I didn't like thinking he might be one of us -- not that I ever did, of course.

What do you think? Am I way off base and he's really just the most tasteless gay man who ever lived? I guess there's an outside chance . . . Nah!