Church does good-witch voodoo to counter the evil spirits

I mean, really. No one on this planet is truly a Satanist. It's like the "followers" of the noodly-appendaged Spaghetti Monster. There really aren't any. It's a joke, in other words. But not to god-fearin' church folk. To them, it's an ISIS-level threat (or maybe probably definitely even worse). Horrors! The Satanists are coming!!!

Oklahoma City's Roman Catholic archdiocese said on Thursday that its archbishop and a priest performed "prayers of exorcism" to help rid the Oklahoma City Civic Center Music Hall of dangerous spirits after a satanic "black mass" was held there.

And this:

"From the beginning, we have taken seriously the dark and dangerous spirits being invited into our community," Archbishop Paul Coakley said Thursday in a written statement. "To address those concerns, we visited the venue the next morning to pray prayers of exorcism over the place and to pray the prayers for cleansing."

Oh, the voodoo that you do. I mean, seriously. This tells us that the exorcist group actually believes the Black Mass nonsense. It's like falling for a Colbert routine and thinking he's serious. Puh-leeze. There ain't no Satan and there ain't no god.

Archdiocese spokeswoman Diane Clay said the ancient exorcism ritual was performed the following day at the public's request. She said the archdiocese received dozens of emails and calls from people concerned about entering the building or attending events there.

Well, you gotta massage the rubes, so I totally understand. Time to call in the priests! You know, it's truly silly to refer to believers as "god fearing" folks. They fear everything. 

It must be terrifying to be a Christian. Dumb, too. Really, really dumb.

Does Pope Francis believe in Beelzebub?

Pope Francis appears to have been captured on video performing an exorcism in St Peter’s Square.

I love hearing that any priest believes Satan is real. It's such an ignorant-git thing to believe. So you'd think I'd be happy when yesterday's low-hanging fruit about the Pope being an exorcist came along. 

But meh. I couldn't even blog about it. "After all," I thought, "everything the pope believes is a lie. So why get excited if he involves himself in an exorcism?"

But the more I thought about it, the more wonderful it seemed. I hope the pope does believe in the devil. It's such a colossally stupid thing to believe. In fact, I hope the pope thinks of Satan as his rival, his arch-enemy, a creature that haunts his days. Hoo boy. If that's the case, fun times lie ahead.