Sometimes Siri gets drunk

Siri, Apple's virtual assistant, is usually reliable. But every now and then, it seems like she's dead drunk.

First, understand that Siri and dictation both use the same engine. If Siri understands your words, so does Mac's dictation function. I often speak to my iPad in the evening. I'll dictate an idea for a post, or a note for a novel. It's quite helpful.

The way dictation and Siri work is that when you speak you speak to your iPad (or computer), it records what you say and sends the recording to Apple, whose servers decipher its meaning and return text to you. As I say, it's usually quite good.

But when the circuits are busy -- like on a Friday night or, really, anytime after school lets out -- Siri screws up. Last night I tried to input a title for a post. I dictated "These people are onto something" and Siri returned "Are Pontoosuc". See what I mean? Drunk. I think it's wild how wrong it gets it. I mean, are pontoosuc? Well, I guess it got the "onto" part right.

Anyway, if this ever happens to you, just wait a moment and try again. If it still doesn't work, wait ten minutes. That should take care of it.

Now that dictation works...

Apple's dictation software works. Is it perfect? No, but it gets the job done. So what good purpose can we find for this new technology?

I think one use is staring us in the face. The US houses about a zillion inmates in "super max" prisons. They are kept in tiny cages for the sole purpose of driving them mad. (At least, that's my assumption. After all, it's the inevitable result of constant isolation.)

I say let's give the dictation technology to these men. They have absolutely nothing to do in their torture cells. Why not install the software throughout the prison? Let the inmate push a button and record. This tiny improvement could make the lives of these men bearable.

They could tell their life stories. They could write poetry or letters. They could write a book. This would give them purpose and improve the emotional tenor of their incarceration. For many inmates, it would change hell into purgatory.

This is within our capability, so why not do it? Once a year, the prison could print out what the inmate dictated -- and give it to him as a printed book. Let the inmates publish, if that's their wish. After all, everyone has the ability to self-publish these days. Why not offer this simple option to these men whom we brutalize each day through the very nature of their confinement? 

NB: Prison authorities need to back up the inmates' work on a regular schedule. Unless they want to torture the men in new, terrible ways. "Sorry, we lost the book you've been working on for 20 years."

I'm serious. Let's do this.

When my iPad is charging, I die a little

I cannot believe how essential my iPad has become to my existence. The battery lasts forever so I've only charged it twice since I got it. Last night, I charged it during the evening hours.

Brrrrrrr. Even a few hours without my iPad is unbearable. I couldn't believe how many times I went to reach for it, only to realize that it was charging. I was lost.

I've become a fierce user of dictation. I talk to my iPad all day long -- and I've learned how to get the most out of dictation. There are hardly any errors, of late. So all day (and night) long, I'm talking ideas into my iPad. It's been stellar, truly. There is no easier, simpler way to get your ideas into your computer, than talking to it. And when the notes are on my iPad, they're also on my desktop Mac, my Macbook Air and my iPod Touch. And even if I lose all of those devices, the information is saved in the cloud. Heaven!

I'll never charge my iPad again while I'm awake. The loss I feel is too keen. I need my iPad to survive. That's the way it is, and this transformation only took a couple of weeks. Desktops are dead. Laptops are dead. Long live the iPad!

So how's that iPad workin' out for ya, Keith?

I'm so glad someone asked. This iPad is great!

My main reason for getting an iPad was to have Siri and dictation available on a mobile device. My iPod Touch is too old; it lacks these features. My fondest wish for the device was that it would give me a way to record ideas without using my computer.

It met my expectations, and more. Now I can pause a football game, reach for the iPad and talk an idea into it. Does dictation make mistakes? Yes, but not often if I speak clearly. And this is the interesting thing: when it gets a word wrong, if I put my finger on the word to highlight it, it suggests the correct word. This is true although the correct word may be lightyears away from the original word it produced.

I think what happens in these cases is that dictation thinks "it's this word or this one" and puts one of them out there. If I click on it, it suggests the other word it was pondering, and this is almost always the correct word. And I suspect that all the while, it's learning about my voice and improving itself. Very cool. So I got what I wanted, in terms of dictation. I've been writing entire blog posts with dictation. I'm typing this one but I dictated "Goodness gracious" below. Works great!

As for Siri, if I have a pressing need to know the population of Pakistan during a game (and I do, sometimes), I ask Siri and boom, there's the answer. Plus, as I've noted here before, Siri is great with sports. I say, "show me the NFL schedule for Sunday" and there it is. I ask "what NFL teams are playing tonight" and Siri shows me the Steelers game, with the start time. I love Siri.

And I love my iPad. Everyone needs one of these, especially writers.

A Mac thing

I just noticed that I can dictate in Scrivener, now that I've upgraded to Mountain Lion. This is very cool. (BTW, Scrivener is my writing program.)

It's surprising how well it works. If you're on a Mac and using Mountain Lion, just click Edit and choose Start Dictation (in any application that supports it). In my first try, it transcribed my words perfectly. I doubt I'll dictate my next book but it's nice to know that I have this option.