May 17, 2014

God has issues

I always loved that phrase. "She has issues". It's marvelously dismissive. And yes, God has issues.

This occurred to me as I was watching a baseball game last night. Actually what I was watching was major-league baseball's pious pinhead pitchers. I swear, almost every pitcher seems to doff his hat and pray on the god damn mound before hurling the ball. Seriously, you can't do that in private? You may not have noticed, but it's a baseball game, not church. Sigh.

Anyway, as I watched these weaselly antics, I found myself wondering about the way these guys always take their baseball caps off before talking to God. Obviously, god cannot see through hats. That's the message here. You are totally invisible to god if you keep your hat on. This is why they force women to wear a hat in church: so God won't see them. God only has time for men. Without hats.

Hats are kind of like god's kryptonite. See? I told you: god has issues.

Which leads me to today's recommendation: always wear a hat.

1 comment:

Artichoke Annie said...

Ahhhh, the truth on why you bought all those hats.

God has so many favorites and spends way too much time in sports venues. They are so many other worthy projects he (?) could be working on right now. Meh.