Buying so many..."at your age"?

It's a weird question. If a 20-year-old woman finds a dress that looks great on her, she may decide to buy it in several colors. But how many should she buy if she's 70 years old?

I bump into this situation all the time, now that I'm 65. Say I find the ultimate notepad. Should I buy several? Ten? Twenty? Or is that pushing it? How about that perfect sweater I just got? I look nice in it. Should I get another, or maybe two more? I'll probably never find a sweater that fits this well again.

In other words, when making purchases as an older person, you have to ask yourself when you think you're going to die. It becomes a regular part of your purchasing strategy.

I had to consider this today when I finally found the ultimate pair of white cotton gloves. (What can I say? I love white cotton gloves. How else can I tell when the bannister's clean?) Anyway, these gloves actually fit my huge hands. That never happens. I wondered if I should I buy a few extra pair. But what about my age? How many pair will I have the opportunity to use? I scrunched my eyes and computed.

You don't do this when you're young. It never comes up. You just buy tons of everything "for the future". But when you're older, there's something out there on the horizon, trying to squeeze your future. Where did the hell did that come from? Drat!

Anyway, I thought it over and bought 36 pair. I plan to last for a while.

(And okay, so they're made in China and only cost $16.99 per dozen. Still. I'm just saying.)

You know you're getting old when...

So "Twinkies maker" Hostess is going out of business. Who cares? Did they ever make anything by using, you know, food as an ingredient? I always imagined Hostess creating their "baked goods" in a dark basement, using only chemicals. But never mind that.

You know you're old when they're mourning the death of Twinkies. I mean, Twinkies are some new-fangled product. I'm from the pre-Twinkies era. To me, Hostess means chocolate cupcakes with a friendly white squiggle across the top. But these weren't even mentioned in any article or news story I saw. Now that tells me I'm old.

I used to love eating Hostess cupcakes, the forgotten product. In fact, if I had a couple in the house, I'd eat them right now, chemicals and all. But seriously, the absence of any mention of the cupcakes made me feel old. Any other oldsters out there having this reaction?

PS: I tried a Twinkie once. Horrible!

Men's voices change as they age

Lately I've noticed that my voice is deeper. Seemed odd. I guess that's why this story in the NYT caught my eye this morning. It chronicles how a man's voice changes as he ages. And lo and behold, the voice is said to deepen between 50 and 68 years old. And then it gets higher. Horrors! This was described in the following way:

“What happens is that Grandma and Grandpa begin to sound more similar,” Dr. Hunter said.

Something to look forward to. If my voice gets higher I'll just stop talking. I've got a deep, gruff voice. Do you hear me?! Deep and gruff!

The beginning of the end of death

Immortality is coming. Check this out.