October 25, 2016

How to have a doggie bed

Ever since I mentioned that I sleep on a doggie bed (i.e., a mattress on the floor), I've been inundated with requests from readers. They say, "Oh, Keith, I want to have a doggie bed too! But I don't know how to handle my fears of...you know." I've probably gotten hundreds of such emails, if not thousands.

It's really quite simple. Here are the Three Rules of Having a Doggie Bed:

First Rule:

There are no spiders anywhere in your home. Why would they be? You're a very clean person.

Second Rule:

There is no such thing as a spider. Spiders come from dreams. They aren't real. So never worry about encountering a spider.

Third Rule

Get white sheets and blankets so you'll be able to see the spiders clearly as they march onto your doggie bed.

Special Bonus Rule:

Never look at this photo.

1 comment:

Artichoke Annie said...

Shhh, Nicko is deathly afraid of spiders. He will be relieved to know they do not exist. I envy your prowess to made it to floor level to sleep and up again in the morning. I would need the assist of a crane, metal or feathered, just something that could lift me up.